Michael Lohan: Crazy Town D-bag of the Month

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For April 2011 Crazy Town has decided to select Michael Lohan as the D-bag of the month.

As we all know, Michael believes himself to be the father of the year when it comes to Lindsay and her siblings. But it is fairly clear that Michael needs some serious help in the "I am an asshole" department.

Besides being the way he is in public, he has made a spectacle of himself through a variety of different situations.

Lets make sure that he knows who he is by sending as many messages as we can.

The Big Brain Story of the Day

Image via WikipediaFile under Big Brain: Couple Steal Tools, Attempt to Sell them to Owner

Today in Pennsylvania two people are in jail for robbery and receiving stolen property. According to the reports from the police department the pair broke into a home and stole a tool box full of automotive repair tools and various other items.

Wanting to score some quick cash they stopped at a service station after the robbery and asked one of the techs if he would like to buy the tools. As it turns out the tech did want the tools and the box because they belonged to him.

The tech went home, telling the thieves that he would return shortly with the money, to find that he had been robbed. He called police who arrested the pair at the service station and returned the property to the man.

Obviously these two have never heard of the internet. Some people are just too stupid to live.

Poker Site Owners Arrested and Charged with Crimes

Image via WikipediaNot long ago the US government attempted to ban the highly lucrative business of internet gambling. While they were unsuccessful in actually enacting the ban, they were able to ban the processing of payments for the sites, virtually crippling their income source.

However, many sites, most of which are hosted overseas, managed to find sneaky ways to process payments and winnings for US based players. That was until today.

A federal prosecutor unsealed an indictment today that charged three poker sites and a wide variety of banks in the US with violating the gambling laws.

Of course this comes just as several lawmakers are attempting to pass a new bill that will legalize the internet gambling industry. They are hoping that they will be able to tap into the business and start taxing the industry, opening up billions in new funds in new taxes.

The taxes are the exact reason why the internet gambling bill was put up in the first place. The government had not found a way that they could tax the sites without getting into a lot of difficult situations because online companies are not actually considered to reside within the US and therefore they are not subject to taxes.

This is sure to be one hell of a showdown in the courts as the owners of the poker sites are going to have their lawyers warmed up and ready for the fight.

Greed - Its a Jackson Thing

Image by Getty Images via @daylifeMichael Jackson is dead. There is no doubt about that. But he is getting more press now than when he was still alive. Of course this all boils down to the fact that everyone wants a piece of the famed pop star, mostly from a financial point of view. So now we will jump into the continuing saga of the Michael Jackson estate and his mother, Katherine Jackson, who now is asking for a bigger piece of the pie.

A little back story.....

When Michael Jackson died, how we don't know for sure, his will clearly stated that he wanted his mother, Katherine Jackson, to live in his house and take care of his three children. Nothing wrong with that. Most feel it is best to have a family member take care of children when there is a death in the family.

But the one concern that Katherine had when she took over was how she was going to pay for everything. Afterall, the kids were used to a certain standard of living with their famous pops and Katherine was not rich.

Well despite all of the money problems that Jackson had while he was alive he is much better off in that department now that he is gone. According to recent reports the estate has netted hundreds of millions of dollars since the demise of Michael and the estate is flush with all creditors. They were even able to pay off the many mortgages that were in place for his various homes and pieces of property.

Since that time Mama Jackson has been at odds with the estate over cash. It was agreed on early in the negotiations that the estate would pay her a sum of $26,000 a month, provide her with a new car every so often and also finance most of the things that she wanted, including several lavish vacations.

But now she wants more, stating that the sum that she is being paid on a monthly basis is not enough to cover her expenses. To ensure that she is successful she has fired her old attorney and hired a new one and his first order of business is to secure more cash for his client.

The estate is playing it close to the chest. They have already paid off just about every possible debt that Michael could have had and now they want to make sure that there is plenty of money for those things that tend to pop up.

But Katherine is wanting to make sure that she is getting her fair share. She has refused to comment on how much she wants and she also claims that the money will be used to better care for her grandchildren who are suffering without the necessary financial support.

Soap Opera Deaths - Drama unfolding

Image via WikipediaAnyone who has spent any amount of time watching daytime television knows that when you die on a soap opera it is not guaranteed that you will stay that way. Time and time again people have met their demise only to be brought back with some kind of out of this world explaination.

However, it appears this time that things may stick once and for all with the popular programs. ABC announced yesterday that they have cancelled One Life to Live and All My Children, two of the longest running shows on daytime.

This is just the next level of the grave that has been dug for the programs that have been losing viewers for the past 10 years. While soaps were once a staple every network lineup, they have lost their allure recently as reality television and talk shows have become par for the course.

According to industry statements, the shows are incredibly expensive to produce, especially when you take into consideration the fact that each of them has four times the amount of actors and actresses of a normal prime time program. Many networks have decided that the smaller productions, such as talk shows and cooking programs, are the way to go and ABC has already announced a lineup of new programs that will replace the two cancelled dramas.

The last remaining soap that will appear on ABC will be General Hospital but insiders have said that its days are numbered as well. With the ratings in the toilet General Hosptial will likely only enjoy one more season before it too is replaced by another cheaper to produce program.

So it looks like Susan Lucci will only receive that one daytime emmy that took her so long to pickup.

Craigslist: A Serial Killer Incubator

Image via CrunchBaseYou have to wonder if the guys that started Craigslist are starting to rethink the whole site. Let's face facts, it is not all that great to begin with. Sure, it is a place to buy and sell crap without having to pay but the chances of actually selling something are minimal at best.

What you will most likely get is some Nigerian sitting in front of an outdated computer trying to convince you that he wants to buy your broken lawn chair for $10,000 if you will accept a cashiers check for $300,000 and send the rest of the money to his shipping company in Europe via Western Union. Sounds completely plausible doesn't it? After all, Nigeria is a third world country and they probably have a really hard time getting their hands on broken lawn chairs.

Anyway, Craigslist has been dealing with bigger problems. First came the realization that sex slaves, some as young as 10, were being bought and sold through the site. After fighting the good fight for about a week the site agreed to take down their Adult Services sections throughout the site. However, this did little to stop the slave trade as they have simply moved to the dating sections of the site.

Then came the Craigslist Killer. This guy just had a serious problem. One the day he is supposed to be married to his presumed high school sweetheart he decides to get himself a little on the side action from a massage therapist on Craigslist. Well evidently things did not turn out the way that he had hoped and he ended up killing the girl. He had just one victim and ended up killing himself in jail before he went to trial. Of course such a crime sparked 2 Lifetime channel movies.

Now there is the Craigslist Ripper, a serial killer that is using the site to target hookers that advertise through the website and then killing them. He has been dumping their bodies on the beach  around New York and it seems that every day there are more remains found. The police are baffled to say the least but they have said that they believe that the ripper may have been a police officer or could be a current police officer considering the fact that he knows so much about police procedures.

So one has to question the idea of why Craigslist is still in operation. Maybe its time that the site was taken down because let's face facts, this will not end and when one killer is caught there is likely going to be another waiting in the wings.

Zsa Zsa Gabor and Hubby want a new baby

Image via WikipediaFile under the bad idea department: Zsa Zsa Gabor, the actress and socialite that recently turned 95 are planning to have a baby via a surrogate. Let's see, Gabor has been in and out of the hospital for the past couple of years with several life threatening conditions and recently had to have her leg removed after an infection went wild. Now her husband, Prince Von Aholt, known to TMZ.com as Prince Von Ahole, says that they have met with some fertility specialists and plan to conceive with a surrogate mother.

Aholt said that it was always Gabor's wish to have a baby boy. Currently Gabor has just one child, a daughter that absolutely hates Aholt and is suing the man because he wants to sell the mansion that Gabor and Aholt live in and downsize to something more affordable.

According to the newest reports, Aholt is planning to drop somewhere in the area of $100,000 for the planned parenthood and he hopes that Zsa Zsa can hold on long enough to see the child born.

David Arquette Receives the Crazy Town Humper of the Month Award

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There it is folks, the Crazy Town Humper of the Month Award! This month's winner is none other than David Arquette.

This week Davey boy and his estranged wire Courtney Cox appeared on the Howard Stern Show. Cox was in house to talk about why she and Arquette split. The whole thing boils down to the fact that Arquette has such a sexual drive that Cox could no longer handle it.

She said "David could not even hug me without getting a boner."

Now that is a guy that has a serious appetite for sex. Of course his stint in rehab did not help matters either, considering the fact that he had a big problem with the booze.

When asked about whether or not they would be getting back together Cox gave a firm "No" stating that they were better off apart. Arquette was asked and he said that he hopes that they can save their marriage.

Here at Crazy Town we are suggesting the Arquette head back to rehab for some sexual addiction meetings if there is any chance that he and Cox are going to get back together. He also might want to work on taming his chicken so it doesn't jump out of his pants when he hugs someone. That could get a bit embarrassing.

We must be Crazy but we love Lindsay Lohan

Image via WikipediaLindsay Lohan, the actress that can only be described as Charlie Sheen without a peter....You have to love her because she is a celebrity blogger's wet dream. Only Lohan could take a sweet rehab get out of jail free stint and completely fuck it up.

Oh what fun it is to follow Lohan as she trips down life's path. One has to wonder about how someone who claims to be so smart can display the intelligence of a toilet plunger when appearing in public.

Sure, The Big L has dealt with drug and alcohol problems and yes she has never met a relationship that she could not totally screw up within a month, but how can one actress be so completely clueless about how the world works?

I can still remember the photos taken of her when she was sentenced to 90 days in jail for one of her many probation violations. The look was shock, like peeking in a window to find your neighbor humping a gerbil. What did she think? Did she think that the judge was going to be so overwhelmed with the star power of Lohan that she would just let her walk away? Maybe sign a few autographs? HA!

But of course it does not matter because Lohan did not serve anywhere close to the 90 days. Just like any celebrity that goes to jail in LA, Lohan is released early. Sure she did more time than most but still it could hardly be considered hard time. Shit, people in LA spend more time in line at Starbucks than Lohan spent in jail.

Now we have the stolen necklace deal and that fight with the nurse there at Betty Ford that simply refuses to go away. While Lohan's lawyer has been busy trying to convince her to take a plea, Lohan has been speaking to the media about her plans to beat the rap and move on with her life.

Sure, the case has a lot of holes in it, especially considering the fact that the jewelry store owner is wasting no time in trying to sell the story and video to the tabloids. But there is still a good chance that Lohan will find herself being sentenced to some hard time in an actual prison where there is no early release.

Of course she is already making plans to star in some films. She is first in line to be cast as Victoria Gotti in the new film about John Gotti alongside John Travolta. Then comes the new film about Charles Manson that will likely star shock rocker Marilyn Manson.

But these film roles may go the way of the dinosaur if these legal problems are'nt sorted out.

Charlie Sheen: A Crazy Town honorary member

Image via WikipediaOk let's face it, you can't turn on your television or open your newspaper without tripping over a story about Charlie Sheen. The self-proclaimed Warlock has dug himself into a hole and it appears that there are some conflicting stories about how he will find his way out.

The history of Sheen is one that is easy to understand. The son of a famous actor, Sheen has been given the unique opportunity to become a top of the line star that everyone wants a piece of. However, these days there are few that would even consider touching him.

According to his own words, he got his start in the famed cult hit Ferris Bueller's Day Off. His part was small but he was playing to a part that he knew oh so well. Arrested and waiting to be processed for drugs Sheen was the bad boy and he sparked the interest of Jennifer Grey who was playing the cranky and PMS ridden sister of Ferris.

At that point Sheen became the bad boy that everyone wanted and the parts started rolling in. Of course the drugs, alcohol and arrests started rolling in as well. He was tapped for shooting his first wife and has landed himself in hot water over the narcotics so many times that most judges know him not from the televisio but from his arrest record.

 But man alive this guy can fuck up something so sweet and end up a has been from way back. Last year it was announced that Sheen would be the highest paid actor in a comedy series, making almost $2 million per episode. With that kind of scratch he should be able to do whatever it is that they want and then some. He should be down on his knees kissing so much ass that his lips fall off.

But of course that is not the style that Sheen is known for. Instead he spends his time in wild parties, having full briefcases of cocaine delivered to his house while partying with porn stars. Then he wants to rent a mansion next door to house his favorite porn stars and he has two of them move in with him.

Sheen wonders why the mothers of his children do not want them to stay at his house. Boy if that is not a head scratcher I don't know what is.

Now Sheen has lost his job. Warner Brothers has said that they are through with him, having grown tired of his crap. But Sheen insists that he will be back with Two and a Half Men before the start of the new season.

Of course there is his comedy tour, a complete pimple on the ass of the comedy scene. Just because someone can make people laugh reading lines that someone else wrote does not mean that they should launch a standup career. Thus far he has done nothing but piss off the people that spent money on his tickets.

Considering his appetite for drugs and booze and his overall lack of self-respect I am sure that Sheen is going to be one of those tragic cases that happen all the time in Hollywood. One of these nights he is going to go on a binge and that binge will end with his death because everyone will be tired of dealing with him. It may sound morbid but many others have ended in the same way. John Belushi springs to mind. He was far more talented than Sheen could ever dream of but he had a taste for the hard drugs. Sheen could end up the same way unless something changes very soon.

Sanity questionable

Welcome to Crazy Town! This is my blog and yes it will be crazy. Chances are you will be offended, horrified and maybe even flabergasted. In my world sanity is for the weak and those with a sense of humor rule the land.

I will make no apologies but I will also bring to you a view of this world that may mirror your own.

Its all about learning to laugh at nearly every situation no matter what happens. If you can't laugh at yourself especially then you are doomed to lead a life of pain.